The One in Which I Get My Voice Back

I’ve been Ebaying; I just bid on this:

Little Mermaid statue

And as soon as she arrives, I’m going to break her into several pieces so that I can superglue her back together.

Please don’t worry; I have not suffered a stroke. I simply need a daily object lesson.

You see, when I was around five years old, my family went to Disney World. Around that time (and ever since), I was obsessed with Ariel. So when my parents gave me the opportunity to pick a souvenir, the choice was obvious. I will save the debate on the wisdom of buying a kindergartner a ceramic figurine for another time, but I’m sure you can figure out what happened over the next decade or so.

Poor Ariel had to be superglued together so many times that she started to resemble a frankenmermaid. A few of her fingers were lost forever, the seams in her fin were very visible, and she was slightly misaligned from a hasty glue job, but she had a place of pride on my shelf for over twenty years.

Scarred as she became, she was still my Ariel–the princess in her own right who has always reminded me to be my own glorious self.  So I kept her.  She came with me every time I moved, all the way to Yuma, where she mysteriously disappeared. I was sad at the time, but I haven’t thought about her for quite awhile… until tonight.

Tonight, I decided it was time to write again. And I just finished writing a long story about why I’ve been absent for so long. It was all about my own personal Prince Charming and how my fairy tale ended with me in pieces.

I’m sorry you missed it, really. It was clever, and kind of a tearjerker. But halfway through, I decided I needed to take back the narrative. I’m tired of thinking about how broken I’ve been. Shattered, really, into more pieces than I could ever pick up. I believe some parts of the original me have ground into dust and will never be reassembled.

It was sad, really. It was over a year’s worth of sad. But I’m done. Not with sadness, I’m sure, but with allowing myself to be ruined. That’s why God invented superglue. And Ariel–who, despite her countless superglue surgeries, remained her beautiful self.

I’ve been slowly trying to glue myself back together. It hasn’t been easy. Right now it’s downright hellish. Ursula the sea-witch has nothing on my own personal demons, I swear.

I’ll never be the same; I will always be scarred and slightly misaligned– but I will be whole again, someday. Get your dinglehoppers ready, world, because Ariel is on her way back to me, and she and I are making a comeback. It will be slow. It will be sticky. It may involve copious amounts of glue. But it will happen.

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Workin’ Overtime

Just a heads-up, because I know you were all dying to know: from now on, the [somewhat] Daily Record will be replaced with a weekly update, because… let’s face it: my life is just not that interesting. 😉

And in other news, on our walk this morning, Ozzie and I noticed this sign:

Clearly, Dick is a very hard worker, though I don’t know when he finds time to make these signs!

Daily Record: You Know What They Say About Absence…

… It makes the heart grow fonder. Supposedly. I guess Charming and I will find out, since he’s in Phoenix for the tail end of his summer break, and then he heads to Idaho to get his Bachelor’s at Brigham Young University Idaho. He’s excited, so I’m excited for him, but I miss having him in Yuma.

Taking silly pictures with a vintage Greyhound in Bisbee, AZ.
Taking silly pictures with a vintage Greyhound in Bisbee, AZ.

He keeps trying to convince me that he could pop back in any minute though, and he’s played that trick once already, so we’ll see.

Saying goodbye... but not really.
Saying goodbye… but not really.
Bisbee, AZ

It’ll be a good test for our relationship though. I’m crazy about this guy (can you tell), but I don’t want to rush into anything, because I try (and often fail) to learn from my mistakes. I’ll keep you posted, dear readers.  

"I could take this old Greyhound... but maybe I'll splurge on this even older taxi." Yeah, we're dorks.
“I could take this old Greyhound… but maybe I’ll splurge on this even older taxi.” Yeah, we’re dorks.

I Smile, Therefore I Live

 

I’m alive; I swear! I’ve been AWOL lately because I’ve had lots of fun things to do. Here’s what’s been going on:

 

1. Esperanza returned home. And then left again. (Detailed post to follow.)

 

2. Bailey, my friend Caroline’s dog, is staying with us for two weeks. Oz is thrilled and delighted.

 

3. I did something vicious to my foot, and it’s swollen up to another shoe size. I’m fearing it might be permanent.

 

4. I nearly burned the house down trying to make shishkabobs with the broiler. That’s what I get for showing off, I guess.

 

5. I found a job I’d LOVE, and I’ve been obsessing over perfecting the resume. Keep your fingers crossed.

 

6. It’s hot here. Really, really, really hot. Oz and I have been doing lots of swimming at the lake.

 

7. I got my vacuum back, finally, and then nearly lost it at a car wash (I’ll blog about that later too). I haven’t tested it out yet, but I’m sure it will be perfecto!

 

8. My mom has finalized her plans to come visit me next month, and I could not be more excited! Well… maybe if she was bringing a million dollars in her suitcase…

 

9. I found out today that Nelson Mandela is “the president of Africa, or something.” (Yikes. I held my tongue, but only barely. Proud?)English: Nelson Mandela in Johannesburg, Gaute...

 

 

10. There is a man, who shall henceforth be referred to as “Charming.” He lives up to the hype, believe me. 😉 (He may or may not be the root cause of all the smiling; I’ll never tell.) 

 

Daily Record: Invention’s Crazy Aunt

Muffin pan
Muffin pan (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If necessity is the mother of invention, then I think that laziness must be invention’s crazy aunt… you know the one. She comes by on random Tuesdays with sombreros for everyone and whole cases of bubblegum and takes you on a two hour journey to the nearest amusement park just to ride the teacups, and then ends up making the yummiest, most filling muffins you can imagine. (That last part may be a one-time thing.)

Aunt Lazy came to visit my house tonight. I had a box of Jiffy corn muffin mix, and a yen for muffins, but no eggs. I live less than two miles from the store, but I had a major problem… I’d already changed into jammies. Once the jammies go on, they’re not coming off, so it was time for an invention. Out of my moment of dire need came the yummiest muffins ever to fill my tins… They’re practically creamy, and a perfect balance of sweet and savory. Here’s the recipe, Aunt Lazy style:

1 box Jiffy corn muffin mix

twice the milk called for on the box (2/3 cup, I think)

about 4 oz. cream cheese (my egg substitute– just crazy enough to work)

a smudge of Herbes de Provence (the best spice mix ever. EVER, I say!)

Mix according to directions and bake at 400 for 25ish minutes. (I’m very into exact measurements and timing, as you can tell.)

‘Twas delish. If I weren’t still hanging out with Aunt Lazy, I’d snap a picture for you. Just close your eyes and imagine yumminess personified. (muff-onified?)

In other news today: 

1. The dog learned how to open the front door and nearly convinced me I had a ghost.

2. I attempted (and failed) to understand soccer with Spanish commentary.

3. I finally filed my taxes. (Thank heavens for extensions!) 

4. I spent a lot of time contemplating the advantages of dating someone who is smarter than I am. (There are many to contemplate, and yes, it’s possible. I’ll give you a minute to recover from your wrinkled brain.)

5. Still no Esperanza. Took another look around the Humane Society and managed, for the second time running, to come home without fifty adorable strays in my truck. Self-control at its finest, ladies and gents.