Spring Break is officially over, and there are a measly two months of school left for me. They will be a busy two months, and bittersweet. I’ve come to the painful realization that, though I love children, service, and teaching… the person I am right now is just not a teacher, at least not in the traditional sense. I’m not cut out for this career. Maybe it’s just the culture shock, the stress of the past few years, or the age group I chose. I like to think that I have it in me to teach, because I view it as such a noble calling, but maybe I just don’t have what it takes.
Honestly, I’m okay with that. I hate being bad at things, and failing at something that has cost me so dearly in terms of blood, sweat, and tears comes as a tremendous disappointment. I’m still beating back the negative voices in my head, but the truth is that I tried something extraordinarily difficult. I’m thoroughly convinced that middle school teachers, particularly those in high-need areas, are superhuman, and I surrendered my superpowers when I started treating my Bipolar Disorder. Not everyone can be Batman or Wonder Woman. Some of us just have to be ordinary good citizens.
On the up side, now that everything is decided and I have a plan, I’m feeling very settled and peaceful about this transition. Hopefully I can find another job in a timely manner, and I’ll continue to feel at peace. Wish me luck!
PS– I DO have a plan, but that’s for me to know and you to find out. I’m working on a post about it as we speak. Stay tuned!